To be honest, I am not enjoying life in UIA. Yet. I'm trying to be as optimistic as possible but things aren't looking so good. I mean firstly I have to come to terms with the fact that this is not high school anymore. Its tertiary school education!!! You're a semi grown up... I mean literally, 90% of me still refuses to GROW UP and the next 10% wants the complete opposite.
Adapting life from the spoiled-anak-bongsu life to the “hostel” life is so far so good. I'm still getting used to the part where I have to wash my own clothes. I mean, I don't mind sharing the toilet or the shower room. But I swear to god, on that one day after finishing my shower, when I opened the door my eyeballs were going to jump out of their sockets!!! It was during Taaruf Week so we had to wake up at 4:45 am and there were all these girls who were washing their clothes, with their hands! I mean, I instantly knew the meaning of “culture shock”. That was a defining moment to me. Its like a voice ringing in my head that goes:-
“Wake up Atiqah!!! You're in college now!!!”So anyways, apart from my parents and friends, I miss my macbook so much. I want to bring it to the hostel so bad but after hearing the briefing on security & welfare about the number of cases of valuables being stolen “in the hostel”, I don't even dare to think about it!!! But I have to come to terms with the fact that my parent's could not afford to pick me up and send me back every week. I would have rather use my macbook at home to do my assignments on the weekends, guess not. This coming Sunday I think I will bring my laptop to UIA, but I swear to god I shall not take my eyes of it. I will bring it everywhere I go, possibly even to the shower room. I am serious you guys... My mahallah a.k.a hostel is 9 storey up so there's a high possibility that I will jump if my macbook is stolen, I'm serious!!!
Social wise, I am the complete opposite of what I am during high school. Believe it or not, I am an introvert. To be honest, the only reason why I was such an extrovert in class was because I am so comfortable with my classmates that I don't mind acting like a fool around them. But here in UIA, its so hard for me to just be myself. The wild Atiqah who talks and laughs loudly!!! Most of the people here are either from up north, east coast or down under. Obviously, there's a clash of thinking when it comes to my mind with theirs. Just to even interact with my own roommates I have to pretend to be, someone else. Someone else who actually cares about whatever they like, care or give a shit about. I can listen to MGMT's Time To Pretend all day. When I meet certain people I'll quickly switch into “Pretending Mode”. Its tough.
The boys, the boys in UIA, that is just another chapter of its own. *grins* Well basically, ada yang skema, the pretty boys, the sporty ones, the bad apples and lastly but not least, the ones that “seem-to-be” sexually deprived. I'm sorry if latter ones seem to be harsh but this is just my honest opinion. I mean, I would expect the boys in UIA to be like, monks or something. Man I was wrong!!! There are some who scares me sometime. I met this girl from DQ (Darul Quran, so yeah she wears tudung labuh & stuff) and she was talking to me about this book called “Fitna Wanita” (if I'm not mistaken) where you should beware of how a man looks at you. God knows what they're thinking about, it could be interpreted in a million ways. And in that book, usually it is interpreted all in the wrong ways. *horrified*
I mean entering this new phase as a whole is tough. You have to be alert all the time, not one information is spoon fed to you like during high school. Every time you see a notice board around the campus, you better read! Or you'll be among the people who know nothing!!! One of my roommates went to see a counselor and told me what they talked about. The advice are good and reassuring and I would like to follow it.
Basically, the counselor advice my friend to spend as much time as possible around the campus and less time in your room for you are more likely to go to sleep. And if you have nothing to do, pop into the library and do your assignments or etc. I think I'll take the counselor's advice seriously and for once, be independent. I cannot depend on anyone anymore, I cannot expect to go to the library with friends anymore, I have to go by myself. By myself!!!
I realize that it will be easier said than done. But I shall try my best. During my nearly two week stay here in UIA, I must admit that I would like to change. Stop wearing certain types of attire clothing (which is gonna be hard) and “most probably” start wearing “tudung” full-time. When you live in an environment like UIA, meeting the people you meet and the briefing you listen to, its hard not to feel like maybe its about time that you should change. Slowly, but surely. Why??? Why is it that the things that you'd prefer not to do, at the end of the day you'll realize that it is for your own good. When I was listening to a briefing last week, I realize the responsibility of graduating from a place like UIA. The lecturer was talking about there will be situations in the future where people will ask you, “Graduate dari mana ni?”, and when you answered UIA. They will ask you to do things that they expect you to know what to do like, “Kalau camtu, boleh jadi imam tak?” Then it hit me! That could possibly occur.
To think of going to Hari Raya this year minus my tudung with everybody in my family knowing that I am currently learning in the Centre For Foundation Studies, UIA, drives me crazy!!! Obviously, it will make me look like a hypocrite. Which is the last thing I want to portray myself as. I guess, at the end of the day, if I do start wearing tudung full-time, I should do it for the right reasons. Not because I don't want to be called a hypocrite by family & friends, but because of Allah swt, because of Islam, because I want to cover my aurat.
I know deep down inside that Allah swt put me in UIA for a reason, ada hikmah disebalik all of this. This could all be a blessing in disguise. I will definitely have to struggle for a couple of years, but hopefully it will reap some sort of benefit in the future. “Bersusah-susah dulu, bersenang-senang kemudian.” I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that, hopefully this tough life I'm going through currently will be worth it once I work for Arcelor Mittal with a hefty / steady paycheck. Okay I exaggerated my interpretation a little, but who knows... *in a coy tone* Insya-Allah... Wallahualam.
Atiqah's Quote of The Day:-
“Rather than love, than fame, than money, give me truth.
I sat at a table where were rich food and wine in abundance, an obsequious attendance, but sincerity and truth were not; and I went away hungry from the inhospitable board. The hospitality was as cold as ices.”
Henry David Thoreau
Atiqah's Song of The Day: Everything's Not Lost by Coldplay
Atiqah's Name Drop of The Day: Alexander Supertramp
